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2022-08-25 - Choosing Happiness: A Prerequisite to Achieving It - Life on Earth with Robert Nasir - Episode 61
I WANT YOU TO ADOPT A HAPPINESS POSTURE.
A READINESS FOR HAPPINESS.
SO THAT AS YOU EARN IT, YOU CAN ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE IT.
And a spoiler alert: You HAVE Already Earned It.
"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values."
Undeniable.
And yet, we all know people who seem to have achieved their values, but are, in a word miserable.
And we all know people who're just starting out their value quest, but are already joyful, serene, self-confident, and in a word ... happy!
Ayn Rand writes:
"Happiness is the successful state of life, pain is an agent of death. Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values." -- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Consider this: A COUPLE MORE QUOTES THAT MAY BE FAMILIAR TO YOU, BUT WITH ONE VARIATION: FOR JUST A MOMENT, I'M GOING TO LEAVE OUT THE REFERENCES TO PAIN.
"Happiness is the successful state of life..."
"Happiness is a state of non-contradictory joy—a joy without penalty or guilt [...] the joy [...] of using your mind’s fullest power, [...] the joy of [...] achieving values [...]. Happiness is possible [...] to a rational man, the man who desires [...] rational goals, seeks [...] rational values and finds his joy in [...] rational actions." -- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Further, this, from Ayn Rand’s “The Objectivist Ethics:
"The maintenance of life and the pursuit of happiness are not two separate issues. To hold one’s own life as one’s ultimate value, and one’s own happiness as one’s highest purpose are two aspects of the same achievement. [...W]hen one experiences the kind of pure happiness that is an end in itself—the kind that makes one think: “This is worth living for”—what one is greeting and affirming in emotional terms is the metaphysical fact that life is an end in itself."
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A quick search reveals many articles and essays on the pre-requisites of happiness, and they're of value ranging from mixed to outstanding ... I've linked to several in the Show Notes, posted at Facebook.com/RobertNasir and crosslinked on Twitter.
For example, Psychology Today: 5 Prerequisites for Inviting Happiness Into Your Life, including pursuing relationships, being kind, acknowledging the abundance in your life, finding meaning and purpose, and making healthy lifestyle choices.
I also ran into counter arguments for the idea of choosing happiness, for example:
“Choosing” to Be Happy Doesn’t Work: Here’s What to Do Instead, by Susan David, author of Emotional Agility
She writes: "The next time you’re having a bad day or a negative reaction to something, don’t ignore your emotions to put on a happy face. Instead, try accepting the way you feel as legitimate and try to identify what you are feeling and why."
And that's a good point to make right up front ... choosing happiness doesn't mean choosing the emotion of happiness ... it means setting goals in accordance with your values, and taking virtuous action to achieve those goals.
But there are preconditions for happiness.
Prerequisites which may seem self-evident ... but, it turns out, are NOT obvious at all.
And knowing the prerequisites of a quest for happiness goes a long way to the achievement and celebration of happiness.
For the sake of this discussion, I've distilled the list down to THREE PREREQUISITES TO HAPPINESS WHICH YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED!
If you walk away from this essay with these three tips in your pocket, explicitly stated and reasonable well-understood, you should be much better prepared to start, continue, or expand your Happiness journey.
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FIRST, the PREREQUISITE of PREREQUISITES:
Happiness must be possible. Which means there must be real, existing, substantial values, and the possibility of more values, in your life ... and the challenges, problems, disvalues must not be so great as to make joyfulness impossible.
It's important to say this out front ... when discussing success strategies, including happiness prerequisites, I'm not saying ... and no one ever should say ... that if you don't or can't do these things, or achieve these results, there's something wrong with you, or something bad about you.
There's a real phenomenon which some people call Toxic Positivity ... a determination to ignore, evade, or bulldoze through, very real obstacles, difficulties, trauma, handicaps.
If, at any time, I say something that offends your sense of your situation, and of what's possible, I hope you'll sit up straight, chin up, and say out loud, "I'm right, Robert's wrong; his observations don't apply here."
With that established, wherever you are, whether happiness is a real existential challenge for you, or you're simply someone who's realizing, maybe I DON'T want to be happy, but I WANT TO WANT IT ... or you simply DON'T KNOW whether you CAN be happy ... wherever you're at, there's something for you in today's discussion.
So, here we go.
Three Prerequisites of Happiness.
PREREQUISITE #1: YOU HAVE GOT TO CHOOSE HAPPINESS.
If you don't choose to be happy, it is not going to happen.
Whether you achieve your values or not.
There's a bit of old wisdom, attributed to Abraham Lincoln, though who knows who said it first ... see Quote Investigator link in the show notes ... which goes like this:
"Most people are just about as happy as they've chosen to be."
A similar quote:
"If you ain't happy now, you ain't gonna be happy then."
And there is the kernel of truth behind such hippy-dippy wisdom as, "it's not having what you want ... it's wanting what you've got." Nonsense, sure, but the reason it resonates is this: choosing happiness ... making the CHOICE to experience values ... IS a precondition of achieving happiness.
Some people never make that choice.
Whether from philosophical issues, like Platonic or Kantian duty ethics, or Christian guilt, or existentialism ennui ...
Or psychological challenges, like fear, or guilt, or depression ...
But one step in breaking out of nihilism, or of breaking the cycle or depression, is making the conscious choice.
I might not be happy yet, but to the extent I'll have any say in the matter, I choose happiness.
Simple! And we'd be done ... and happy ... but there's also ...
PREREQUISITE #2:
YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS.
If that sounds silly, obvious, obtuse, let me add the rest of the story:
YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS more than you want to hang onto your grievances.
YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS more than you want to hang onto your grievances ... your sense of injustice ... your disappointment in people ... your belief that happiness is a betrayal of justice ... your sense that being happy would be a capitulation, a failure to take evil seriously.
If you bristle at the sight of happy people ... if you assume that such people aren't taking the world's evils ... the politicians, the woke warriors, the demagogues & destroyers ... seriously ...
If you think that happiness means not-taking-evil-seriously ... you're going to have to check ... you're going to have to question ... and you're going to have to REJECT ... that premise.
It makes no sense ... it is irrational and unjust ... to let evil set the stage ... to let evil win ... to let evil MATTER ... to let evil rob you, the good person you are, of a joyous life.
YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS.
YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS more than you want to hang onto the pain you've so desperately, so heroically steeled yourself against.
YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS more than you want to hang onto the pain you've steeled yourself against. That toughness ... that thick skin you had to develop ... it IS a source of pride, and strength, and security.
And you're going to have to let it go ... let the the pain go ... and TRANSFORM the Soldier You, the Tough Guy, the Protector ... into a Partner and an Ally in your commitment from now on, to pleasure, and passion, and joy.
And YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS more than you want to hang onto your small comforts, your defense mechanisms, those habits and defaults that compensate for life's accidents, failures & disappointments.
YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT HAPPINESS more than you want to hang onto your comforts ... more than you want Cheetos, and too much television, or Internet, or videogames, or pornography, or junk food, or oversleeping, or staring at your smartphone screen for hours and hours.
You won't have to give everything up ... only the purposeless, the meaningless, the time wasters. You have to want happiness enough to be focused and mindful ... to act with conscious, defined intention. You have to want happiness enough that, in any given moment, you know what you're doing, and why you're doing it.
So ... number one, you have got to CHOOSE happiness, and number two, you have got to WANT happiness.
PREREQUISITE #3:
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE OPEN TO REASONS TO BE HAPPY.
Right now, at this moment, there are 15,079,200,016 reasons why you should already be experiencing a substantial amount of HAPPY. (15,000,000,000 paintings have been painted, 79,000,000 songs have been recorded, there are 200,000 things to eat if you just count edible plant species, and, of course, there are 16 dances, as documented by the B-52's.)
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE OPEN TO THE MANY REASONS TO BE HAPPY. In an article in Psychology Today, their #3 Pre-Req' for happiness is:
"Acknowledging the abundance of your own life. No matter how austere or extravagant it might be. And experiencing gratitude for the people, experiences, and things which positively contribute to a sense of well-being."
Consider that expression: well-being. Being well. Being able, capable, healthy, strong, reasonable, ready for action, ready for life, ready for joy.
Well-being.
Are you really surrounded by "things which positively contribute to a sense of well-being"?
Well, if you're not, you need to change that ...
… but also if you're thinking, "I'm not", I'd ask you to question that.
Answer these questions ... and for now, postpone the "yeah, but"'s.
Do you have access to electricity, and clean, safe water? Again, just for now, set aside the "yeah, but's" ... those provisos ... "yeah, but, the greens want to take away my electricity," or, "yeah, but, my water bill's been outrageously high and hard to pay" ...
Do you have access to electricity, and clean, safe water?
Do you have a roof over your head?
Are you able to get around, to go where you need to go?
Are you free?
No, not tax-free, regulation-free, government-free, busybody-free.
Free enough that YOU get to decide, when you wake up each morning, what you'll do with each day, what kind of work & career you'll pursue, what foods you'll enjoy, what coffee you'll drink (!!!), who you'll socialize with, what books you'll read, shows you'll watch, dances you'll dance, what kind of romance you will pursue, or build, and celebrate?
Positive Psychology founder Martin Seligman encourages a Three Good Things exercise, which Tal Tsfany has incorporated into his Happiness Teams, and many others including Jean Moroney and Ellen Kenner have recommended ... and I recommend it, too. At the end of each day, make a list ... and not just in your head, but on paper (or if you REALLY hate writing by hand, a computer or other device) ... make a list of three good things that happened that day.
One of the simplest, and most powerful, exercises in the world.
Many of us think of this as an exercise in Gratitude. For others, it's a daily affirmation of the Benevolent Universe Premise ... in a knowable Universe, life is possible, and more: we're surrounded by an abundance of values, and value opportunities.
If the word Gratitude has too many distracting connotations, just think of it as "Three Good Things".
Call it what you will, regard it how you will, but MAKE THAT LIST.
Do three each day, 1,095 good things each year, and it will be plain, clear, undeniable ... and you'll know VISCERALLY, in your core: PREREQUISITE #3 ... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE OPEN TO THE MANY REASONS TO BE HAPPY.
I promised three prerequisites, and that's three.
CHOOSE to be HAPPY. WANT to be HAPPY. BE OPEN to the many, countless, endless REASONS to be HAPPY.
BONUS MATERIAL!!!
HAPPINESS PREREQUISITE #4:
YOU HAVE GOT TO KNOW THAT YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS
How are you supposed to be motivated to achieve your values, and therefore your happiness, if you don't think you deserve it?
You are sharing this planet with 7,753,000,000 others ... and not a one of them is more deserving of the quest for happiness than you are.
(Why yes, you ARE the center of the Universe ... fully as much as any other person who ever has, does, or will exist.)
How much virtue, and how many values, are necessary, before you deserve happiness?
The Answer: In accordance with the Benevolent Universe Premise, simply being good is enough for you to experience happiness.
This is why good intent ... good will ... a desire for, a passion for doing what's right ... matters.
This is base-level ethics, and if you can get just this far, you deserve base-level happiness. Real, deep, enduring happiness.
The next level is achievement. Not the end, but the journey. Make things happen. Do good things.
One objective measure of this is: produce more than you consume.
But don't limit your conception of what production means; there are handicapped people who'll never produce their material sustenance, but who radiate joy, and kindness, and gratitude, in payment to those who generously support them.
The next level of dessert ... or deserving happiness ... is in concrete achievements ... actually reaching your goals, and ultimately achieving your purposes. Maximum pride and maximum satisfaction.
BUT THE POINT IS: whatever level you're at, know this: if you are acting virtuously ... if you are good ... you DESERVE happiness.
Another caveat: It's a rare soul who can pursue happiness, while focusing on unhappiness ... on politics, on vice, on mayhem, on the philosophic battle.
If you're determined to fight, here's the secret: stay focused, not on what you're fighting, but on what you're fighting FOR. Alex Epstein isn't fighting against Climate Catastrophism, so much as he's fighting FOR ... say it with me ... FOSSIL FUELS ... ABUNDANT RELIABLE ENERGY ... man's LIFE ON EARTH.
Incidentally, this is why The Right is disarmed ... they should be fighting FOR Liberty and Capitalism, FOR the Constitution, and the separation of state & economics, FOR Laissez-faire and Freedom ... but no. They have become defined by what they hate ... the Left.
(And then they wonder why they lose ground, year after year, and blame it on people being stupid, evil, or both ... Washington DC is a swamp and the masses are sheep.)
Ask them what they're fighting FOR, and they become indignant ... and you're assumed to be an idealist or an enemy ... or both.
CHOOSE to be HAPPY. WANT to be HAPPY. BE OPEN to the many, countless, endless REASONS to be HAPPY ... and KNOW that YOU DESERVE to be happy.
Maybe you're already halfway there. Maybe you've 100% accepted and adopted these prerequisites. I've certainly tried. But it's been an ongoing mystery to me, that so many people who seem to have achieved their values, but are, in a word miserable.
While so many who're just starting out their value quest, but are already joyful, serene, self-confident, and in a word ... happy!
Considering this one aspect ... the preconditions a value quest, of a happiness quest ... has been clarifying for me, and I hope it's been valuable to you.
Thank you for joining me on this journey ... I've still got a long way to go, and I genuinely, deeply appreciate you sharing the ride with me.
And, as always, I wish you a joyful, passionate, happy Life On Earth.